so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
