you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
