Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
