only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
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You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
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He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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