how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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