I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Randomize
