If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
