ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
