i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
