the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
