saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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