Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Randomize
