i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
