My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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