So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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