before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
