I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
