the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
