just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Houston, we have a blender
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
