The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
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