I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
