Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
