Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(213): View more from California

she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.

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(213): she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down. http://tfl.nu/is1d

Replies (1) Good night (1673) Bad night (679)
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(501): View more from Arkansas

if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church

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(501): if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church http://tfl.nu/2izr

Replies (15) Good night (1895) Bad night (2402)
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(845): View more from New York

I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.

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(845): I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt. http://tfl.nu/j6pk

Replies (9) Good night (673) Bad night (2535)
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(908): View more from New Jersey

don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."

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(908): don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..." http://tfl.nu/9x9f

Replies (16) Good night (2076) Bad night (3817)
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(619): View more from California

Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.

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(619): Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser. http://tfl.nu/agjn

Replies (33) Good night (3671) Bad night (1547)
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(864): View more from South Carolina

The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.

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(864): The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up. http://tfl.nu/edto

Replies (6) Good night (2375) Bad night (1133)
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(817): View more from Texas

I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.

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(817): I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy. http://tfl.nu/amvl

Replies (13) Good night (947) Bad night (4108)
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(603): View more from New Hampshire

He sprained his penis one time

(603): View more from New Hampshire

He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis

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(603): He sprained his penis one time (603): He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis http://tfl.nu/1fye

Replies (21) Good night (624) Bad night (2248)
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(520): View more from Arizona

I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"

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(520): I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito" http://tfl.nu/vbc5

Replies (8) Good night (1079) Bad night (602)
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(931): View more from Tennessee

Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night

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(931): Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night http://tfl.nu/chyx

Replies (8) Good night (764) Bad night (1423)
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(720): View more from Colorado

my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.

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(720): my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am. http://tfl.nu/xw8k

Replies (8) Good night (1462) Bad night (546)
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(508): View more from Massachusetts

We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?

(913): View more from Kansas

Is that weird?

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(508): We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am? (913): Is that weird? http://tfl.nu/18nc

Replies (4) Good night (1134) Bad night (518)
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(334): View more from Alabama

That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.

(678): View more from Georgia

Good point.

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(334): That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating. (678): Good point. http://tfl.nu/bwir

Replies (3) Good night (702) Bad night (370)
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(804): View more from Virginia

He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.

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(804): He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him. http://tfl.nu/lrjc

Replies (1) Good night (1094) Bad night (243)
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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK

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(717): HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK http://tfl.nu/wvyd

Replies (4) Good night (600) Bad night (195)

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