He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober