I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?