Texts From Last Night

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  (604): View more from British Columbia

  I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.

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  (604): I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks. http://tfl.nu/kxma
  Replies (34) Good night (2407) Bad night (2798)
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  (239): View more from Florida

  I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.

  (239): View more from Florida

  I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.

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  (239): I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning. (239): I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais. http://tfl.nu/n26p
  Replies (18) Good night (771) Bad night (1463)
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  (914): View more from New York

  Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning

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  (914): Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning http://tfl.nu/cata
  Replies (56) Good night (1131) Bad night (5180)
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  (231): View more from Michigan

  Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.

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  (231): Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk. http://tfl.nu/0k6c
  Replies (5) Good night (4685) Bad night (797)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here

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  (630): don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here http://tfl.nu/cm6x
  Replies (11) Good night (4640) Bad night (1264)
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  (805): View more from California

  a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot

  (818): View more from California

  god is laughing at you again

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  (805): a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot (818): god is laughing at you again http://tfl.nu/4fg3
  Replies (20) Good night (5152) Bad night (1674)
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  (510): View more from California

  Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.

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  (510): Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight. http://tfl.nu/a7yq
  Replies (24) Good night (5304) Bad night (1129)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended

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  (317): She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended http://tfl.nu/jhzt
  Replies (14) Good night (1105) Bad night (3257)
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  (561): View more from Florida

  well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.

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  (561): well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement. http://tfl.nu/wjgp
  Replies (10) Good night (813) Bad night (1825)
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  (737): View more from Texas

  Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.

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  (737): Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner. http://tfl.nu/o0od
  Replies (5) Good night (1477) Bad night (706)
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  (912): View more from Georgia

  Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say

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  (912): Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say http://tfl.nu/bgnm
  Replies (2) Good night (1026) Bad night (369)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants

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  (919): Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants http://tfl.nu/k1dy
  Replies (4) Good night (850) Bad night (306)
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari

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  (205): I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari http://tfl.nu/g3b8
  Replies (3) Good night (1009) Bad night (484)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene

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  (917): Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene http://tfl.nu/53z4
  Replies (3) Good night (692) Bad night (405)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed

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  (651): I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed http://tfl.nu/fbkn
  Replies (2) Good night (758) Bad night (291)

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