The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
