also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Randomize
