i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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