You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
