If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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