no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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