I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
