i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I just want nice things and good sex
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
