The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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