Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
