i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
