Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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