I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
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They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
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If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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