is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
