it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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