I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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