I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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