When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
