Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
