I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
