and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
