well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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