Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
