remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
What drink are we having for lunch?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
