K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Randomize
