dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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