I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
