i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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