I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
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