I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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