Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
It's rum buckets o'clock
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
