Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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