i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
