if you like me you must not know who I am
Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
