Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
