she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
