Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
