3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
