he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
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I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
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Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.