I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
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I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
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Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN