You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
