Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
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I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
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he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?