My friends, they love my intelligence
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
