Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Randomize
