Got a toothbrush?
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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