apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
