Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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