If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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