drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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