dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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