a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
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i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
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My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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