I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
