look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
