just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
