Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
