Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Randomize
