Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
