I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
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