You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Are we in a gay sports bar?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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