It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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