I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
