Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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