Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
