I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
